


Reclamations

by PeachGO3



Category: Star Trek: Picard
Genre: Body Horror, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series 01, The Borg, this turns into really bad space horror towards the end but trust me it's all very cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:28:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27263506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachGO3/pseuds/PeachGO3
Summary: An xB experiences falling in love – sometimes it’s horrifying, sometimes it’s not. AU where Hugh becomes part of La Sirena’s crew.For the Star Trek Halloween Bang 2020. Art will be linked soon ♡
Relationships: Elnor/Hugh | Third of Five
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17
Collections: Star Trek Halloween Horror Bang 2020





	Reclamations

**Author's Note:**

> Elnor was so excited to dress up in “Stardust City Rag” that I thought he’d be the perfect Halloween enthusiast (*´▽`*) I combined that with parts from [this interview](https://youtu.be/wKw8SfAz-ng?t=1640) where Jonathan Del Arco talks about Hugh falling in love with Elnor!

**I. Thoughts**

They should have known that Romulan secret agents do not fight justly. Still, the knife she had thrown hit Hugh out of nowhere. The cold steel felt unnatural against his throat, and wet warmth was spreading across his neck. As he stumbled and fell backwards, he saw Elnor running toward him. Leaning down. He grabbed him like he was the one thing that kept Hugh from giving in to the pain.

Elnor took out the knife and threw it after her. Hugh could not keep his eyes off of him, just pressing his head against the hand that held it.

So, that’s how he was going to die after all. In the arms of a wonderful young man so full of hope. Some of it had stained Hugh’s world-weariness, and he wanted Elnor to know. He wanted him to be all right.

Strange, that the horror in those beautiful eyes was more devastating than the open wound in Hugh’s throat. With a weakening hand, he tried to slow down the bleeding.

“How’s this for a lost cause?” he breathed, smile making his lips curl.

Elnor’s eyes kept searching his body for an answer, desperate. Hugh steadied his head by laying a hand onto his cheek, burning hot under his trembling touch. You’ll be all right, was what he wanted to say. I’ll be fine, you go on without me. You can do this. You gave me hope again.

“I was that much of a hopeful fool again for a minute.” Breathing was hard, and by now there was no strength left in the hand that Hugh pressed against the wound. He had not thought it would happen so quickly.

He did not fear dying. He did fear leaving Elnor behind, because he wanted him to be okay. Things were going to be _fine_. Thank you for giving me hope again, Hugh wanted to say.

**II. Brain**

Hugh woke up with a whirring sound inside his head and an inhale of air so sharp it made his lungs ache. As soon as his ocular implant reconfigurated, he was blinded by bright lights. The second inhale was even deeper than the first.

“You’re awake!”

The voice was faint and too loud at the same time. It worsened Hugh’s disorientation. With a somewhat jerky movement, he turned his head, and spotted shining black hair. Eyes focusing. “Elnor?”

Trying to speak was a mistake; Hugh had to cough violently. He bent over, stomach hurting, and would have fallen from wherever he was lying if it hadn’t been for Elnor grabbing him by his shoulders.

“You really are alive,” he exclaimed.

Was he, though? Elnor’s beautiful face, his flowing hair and his angular features, so close and familiar, made Hugh amusedly believe this could very well be his afterlife. But it _was_ Elnor. Those were his eyes, sparkling despite their darkness, just like Hugh knew them. And the ache in his chest was very real, too. The sparking pain made him groan.

A hand came up to his cheek, cupping even the cable port. “I am overjoyed,” Elnor said. “And I’ll help you get better.” Breaking their eye contact, he searched for something.

“EMH,” Elnor called. With another whirring sound, someone appeared at Hugh’s left side.

“What is the nature of your medical emergency?” the man asked, looking straight over Hugh’s spread-out body. Human. Well, a hologram. Unsure, Hugh turned to look at Elnor again, who gestured toward Hugh in turn. Elnor was in charge here.

“What is the nature of your medical emergency?” the man repeated.

“Hugh is!” Elnor blurted out. “Can’t you see he’s in pain? Please check him.”

Hugh almost laughed at Elnor’s cute determination, but his voice got stuck in his throat when the Emergency Hologram began studying him. He looked at Hugh as though he had not even noticed him before.

“Oh,” he said, bending down, which only increased the pressure in Hugh’s chest. The Hologram’s eyes scanned him with fascination. “A Borg?”

“Former Borg,” Hugh all but rasped, coughing again.

“Okay, okay, lay down. Med kit! Jesus, err, all right. This is something.”

“Elnor? What happened?” Hugh asked, back pressed against the biobed. Above all the pain, his senses were coming back to him. Now he could only see the white ceiling and its bright lights, but Elnor was there to take his hand in his while he was being checked. A warm gesture of comfort.

“Seven said that… something in your body would repair it if it is badly damaged, so we brought you along to heal.”

‘Something’? “Nanoprobes?” Hugh asked. The EMH shushed him to not mess up the scans.

“I believe that is the word she used,” Elnor said. “But I do not care what it is that brought you back, I’m just overjoyed to see it happen.” He squeezed Hugh’s hand to underline his words.

“How…?” was all that Hugh could get out. His eyes watered, and it was not because of the lights.

“It would be best if you do not talk,” the Hologram intervened docilely. There was something refreshingly warm about him. It was safe with these two, despite every inch of Hugh’s body hurting.

“In fact, I recommend using this sedative to keep you stable for now.”

“Won’t that make him fall asleep?”

“It will, but he needs much rest. I will contact the Captain in the meantime.”

Hugh could practically feel Elnor’s protest flowing through his touch. He smiled. “Do that, please,” he said to the EMH, barely above a whisper. He turned his head – and there was Elnor again. Only he was frowning now. The hypospray hissed coldly by his ear. I’ll be fine, Hugh wanted to say.

* * *

When he woke the next time, the EMH was there again, joined by a woman who smiled at Hugh with fluttering eyes. “Unbelievable,” she breathed.

Hugh shifted. To his relief, he was no longer in pain.

Everyone in the room introduced themselves, including the ship’s captain. Hugh refrained from thinking too hard about why his EMH looked exactly like him. He deactivated the hologram with a glance.

“And I’m Agnes Jurati. It’s an honor to meet you, Hugh,” the Doctor said, extending an unsure hand but withdrawing it awkwardly almost directly afterwards. She stuttered something about how she was far too excited. Hugh joined her laughing. She seemed friendly.

Picard stood by Hugh’s right, where Elnor had been before. “It’s so good to see you again,” Hugh said, face breaking into a grin as Picard helped him sit upright. “Where am I?” he asked. “Where’s Elnor?”

“Oh, he, um, wasn’t feeling well,” Jurati said with a finger pointing to the medbay’s exit. You could see the stars from here.

As he processed the words, Hugh’s smile fell. “Is he all right?”

“He is fine,” Picard’s calm voice reassured him. “And I hope you are, too? But I’ll leave the details to our doctors.”

With that, Jurati began explaining Hugh’s current condition. He disciplined himself to listen closely, out of respect for the people who saved his life. But one part of his brain was always picturing of Elnor instead. To think about him was more important than resurrection from the dead.

What did ‘not feeling well’ mean? Hugh’s brain was used to being lied, and that skeptical corner was ringing right now.

Hugh wanted him to be by his side to check. As he came around and more aware of his surroundings, he yearned in a way that resembled the pain inside his chest from before. Not that he did not cherish Picard’s hand on his back, or the Doctor’s friendly smiles, but he would rather have Elnor’s. Was that wrong? It felt selfish.

“Can I go see Elnor?” he uttered.

“I would not advise getting up as of yet,” Jurati said. “You still need to rest.”

The skeptical part of Hugh’s brain was still alert. Why _did_ he need to rest? He was curious about his state, everyone was making such a fuss about it after all. Being so tense made him sick.

He turned to look at the readings on the screen to his left. “No crass abnormalities,” he heard Jurati say. “It’s just, well, your body is recovering from completely shutting down, so to speak. Your wound’s healing, it’s almost complete. However, the nanoprobes are still very active inside your body, so I guess they are still working on everything.”

“What are those?” Hugh asked with a weary finger pointing to a list of blinking bodily functions.

“Oh, that? It says you have highly increased levels of adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin… That kind of stuff.”

Hugh repeated the words in his head. He knew adrenaline and dopamine, but not in this combination. “What does it mean?”

“Oh,” Doctor Jurati said again (it seemed to be a favorite word of hers), “nothing dangerous, or bad, per se. You can relax.”

Hugh just nodded.

With a smirk, the Captain said, “Well, I’m no medic -”

“Oh, technically, neither am I.”

“- but those are happy hormones, I know that much.”

“The love cocktail,” Jurati beamed with a smile to everyone in the room. The people here were friendly and less secretive than Romulans. It felt like a safe place. But Hugh has had enough of _this_. Why shouldn’t they let him go see Elnor? He wanted to see Elnor, obsessively so, but he did not care if he sounded needy.

They shushed him again and told him the ship’s name and everything while they prepared his sedative. They gave him water and asked if he wanted to eat. “What about the Artifact?” Hugh asked somewhen, and that was when everyone fell silent and looked at each other questioningly.

Picard nodded. “I’ll tell you, if you would like that.”

And judging from his sad smile, Hugh was not sure if he would. He threw up the water he just drank.

**III. Blood**

When Hugh was finally able to leave the medbay, the first person he met outside was another old acquaintance. “Doctor Asha?” he asked, and she flashed him a bright smile. In a strange way, Hugh had expected her to have been killed too, even though he knew that she and Picard had escaped in time.

Still, he connected her admirable presence so strongly with the Artifact that he had buried the memory of her together with the Cube’s. He had had the worst nightmares last night, and she was just the friend that he needed.

Also, she was an android, like Picard – which explained her slightly changed aura. Hugh could see how she was related to Data. Her new self reminded him of him, more so than Picard.

As soon as Hugh had asked about Elnor, she had agreed to guide him to his quarters. “He’s been in his room the whole day,” she explained as they walked the halls of _La Sirena_. The ship was small, but Hugh appreciated the gesture. He could not wait to see him again.

“Has something happened to him?” he asked.

Asha frowned. “You, in a way,” she replied and stopped after she realized what she had said. “I’m sorry, that was a stupid way to phrase it,” she frowned with a quick shake of her head. Hugh studied her features carefully.

“It’s all right.”

“The way I understand his culture, he feels great shame about what happened on the Artifact. He bound himself to you and your cause after all.”

“And failed to protect either of them,” Hugh sighed. “I understand.”

Asha looked down. It was so strange to see her here. Detached from her work. She had been on the Artifact with him, she had respected and cared for the xBs. She had spoken to the Nameless in their own languages.

A familiar emptiness overcame Hugh as he remembered those who were in search for a name, struggling to speak, let alone stand up for themselves. He had let them down. It had been his duty to protect them.

Shame rose from his stomach and rested in his cheeks, boiling.

He had failed Asha, too. She was the most empathetic person on the Cube, and a phenomenal researcher. She did not deserve to have her work destroyed in this way.

“I’m sorry,” Hugh uttered.

Asha tilted her head, then dismissed his apology. “It is not your fault. We were all puppets in the Romulans’ game,” she said.

Hugh swallowed. “Right,” he said, eyes fluttering. They hurt, burned inside his skull. Nothing was ever in his own hands. He was but a puppet. Better to accept it and move on.

They stood like this for a few seconds. Then Asha straightened up and gave Hugh a sad smile. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m not a lot of help.”

Hugh softened. “It’s fine.” He breathed in deeply, seeing Elnor’s distraught eyes in his mind. Hugh’s grieve for the xBs was great enough, Elnor need not despair over what had happened in addition to that. Hugh wanted to care for him and wished he could have done so sooner.

“I’ll get going,” he sighed with a smile. “His quarters are right there, the door to the right,” Asha said. Before she left, she said how good it was to have him back yet again.

As he continued on his own, Hugh wondered why he had not attached Elnor’s presence to the Artifact as much as he had done it with Asha’s. They had met in the Queen Cell after all, the Cube’s heart, so to speak, and fought to protect the xBs together.

And yet… the thing Hugh connected the most to him was that hopeful warmth in his chest. His relentless honesty and pure innocence; a positivity that made Hugh regain a youth he had never had. Going to his quarters was like returning to a home Hugh did not know he had.

He ran a thoughtful hand over the bandage on his throat. A thousand things raced through his mind as he, with a smile, he knocked at the door. His fingers were sweaty.

“Elnor? It’s me.”

Right away, the doors swished open and revealed a pair of dark eyes looking right at Hugh through black strands of hair. Elnor whispered Hugh’s name, and Hugh’s face warmed – no, _flushed_ – and his ears roared from the blood streaming through them. It was not because of shame.

“I’m sorry if I disturbed you,” he stammered.

Something in Elnor’s expression broke. He softened and pulled Hugh into a tight hug. Hugh gasped in surprise but soon melted into the touch, pressing his nose into Elnor’s fragrant hair – if only his hands weren’t so wet from sweating. Why now? He did not remember ever sweating this much to begin with. It was uncomfortable – probably the nanoprobes’ fault.

A strong hand at the back of his neck silenced his loud thoughts. Suddenly, Hugh realized that he had never been hugged like this before.

“I wanted to do this ever since we brought you onboard,” Elnor whispered against his neck, hands roaming to find a way to hold Hugh even closer. “I’m sorry if it’s too much.”

“Not at all,” Hugh replied. His smile made his voice all quiet, and he closed his eyes as he leaned into the curve of Elnor’s frame. It was the first time a contact was both so uncomfortable and heavenly at the same time. “I missed you,” he said. Face still heating up.

A second later, Elnor pried himself from his body, retreating into his quarters. Carefully, Hugh followed him into the coldness, instinctively following the warmth that had just left him.

It was a mess in here. The sword laid in the far-left corner, lit only by the starlight from outside the ship. _La Sirena’s_ Warp field was bright as a sun.

After wiping his hands on his legs, Hugh fixated Elnor’s back. “Are you all right?”

“I wish you would not have to ask that,” Elnor replied, his voice suddenly agitated. Hugh stopped walking toward him.

“You are the one who was hurt under my protection. You should not need to ask me if I am all right.” Elnor turned around, and his features softened in a frown. “Why is your face so red? Do you need anything?”

“No…” Hugh fumbled with his hands, unsure whether that answer had been wise. He was not here to get taken care of. “Look,” he began, “maybe we should sit down.” He smiled, wanting to keep the situation under control. “I’ve been wanting to see you. Every time I’ve been awake.”

Elnor’s lips thinned. “I’m sorry I did not feel like being there. I apologise.” There was another pause before they sat down. Hugh watched Elnor closely – he understood that his hair needed to be out of his face to always be prepared for fighting, but now it was all over the place.

“There is no need to apologize. You needed time for yourself, that’s completely valid,” he said truthfully.

Elnor turned to him and nodded dutifully. “I am grateful for your forgiveness.”

When he took Hugh’s hand, Hugh cringed at the slippery feeling – that must feel disgusting, mustn’t it? Elnor eyed him closely. “Have you trained before you came here?” he blurted out.

“No,” Hugh said and shifted. “I suppose it’s the nanoprobes. My body is still adjusting.”

Elnor nodded. “Please make sure to call the EMH when you feel uneasy.” He huffed. “Or me.” He ditched Hugh’s hand and pouted, pulling his legs on his bed while staring straight ahead.

Hugh shuffled closer to comfort him. “You did what you could,” he said softly.

“And it wasn’t enough!” Elnor called, throwing himself backwards onto the bed. For a few minutes, neither of them said anything, until Elnor began talking about the doubts he had developed about the Qowat Milat.

“If I’m not good enough for their teachings, then am I even living the right life? I should have been more honest with myself, because as a man, I can never truly be one of them anyway.”

Hugh watched him cover his face.

“I learned that lying can be good. That people don’t care about honour. It agitates me. And the worst thing is that I blame you,” Elnor whispered. “Had you been dead, then maybe I could have forgotten. But now you are resurrected, as though to remind me of my shame. I feel this as much as I feel joy about you being alive.”

His voice had softened with every single word, and now he was sobbing, turning himself away from Hugh. “These are terrible things I just said to you…”

Hugh inhaled deeply. Elnor should not break down and cry like that. “I’ve heard worse,” he chuckled with a shake of his head, wiping his own teary eyes. “I understand you,” he added, softly. And then he told Elnor about Geordi. The memory mellowed him despite it being an emotional rollercoaster – how Geordi had made Hugh question everything he knew, how he brought chaos to perfect order, and how Hugh had hated him for it.

“Do you still hate him?” Elnor asked from below, eyes swollen.

“No,” Hugh smiled. “We’re good friends and talk often.”

“Then my devastation will pass,” Elnor said and heaved his body into a sitting position with seemingly no effort. Being so close, Hugh could spot traces of dark green shimmer on his face even in the dimness of the room. Elnor’s voice was less empty when he said, “For my hatred towards you and Picard and all the others is in direct contrast with how much I love you all.”

Like a response to these words, the heat returned to Hugh’s face with such crushing force that he brought up his hands to cool it. “I love you, too,” he pressed out before inhaling sharply. Agonal respiration. The whirring in his ears was back. Not only did it stay this time, no, it got louder, rapidly.

Hugh stuttered Elnor’s name, reaching out for him ere falling backwards onto the bed like a stunned animal. He could not move. His body did not obey him.

Elnor saying his name was the last thing he could understand. The roaring in his ears was too loud, he just saw Elnor’s lips moving. He felt him grip his shoulders, trying to steady him.

Hugh spoke, but there was no sound. His eyes fluttered shut, burning in his head. He felt as though his skull was burning up.

Hugh did not know whether he passed out then or if it was a fever dream, but in his mind, cables connected to his motionless body and pulled at him like strings. Just another puppet in a row of thousands of xBs. For his failure, his face was melted from his skull. It dripped to the floor in thick drops that tore him downwards, into the dark.

Elnor’s face returned. As did his hands, soft on Hugh’s wet cheeks. He could hear him, but it was faraway. _“I’m going to get help.”_

No, Hugh wanted to say. No, stay with me. I don’t want you to go.

Beautiful eyes blinked in the dark, helpless. _“EMH,”_ Elnor called. _“Contact the others.”_ Then he continued to stroke Hugh’s wet cheeks, a weird reassurance that his face was still there. Was it?

 _“Be calm,”_ Elnor whispered and cradled his head. It made the roaring blood return, and Hugh screamed as he was getting pulled back in the dark, unable to stop his fall. It was silent.

**IV. Vision**

“Do you remember if there was some sort of trigger? Something that initiated the widening of the blood vessels?” The EMH’s voice was kind but determined. Hugh looked down in shame as he was no help to such a helpful man. “I don’t know,” he replied. “I don’t remember anything from before.”

“I know,” he heard Elnor say. “The last thing you said was that you loved us.”

The EMH tilted his head. “Was that the exact wording?”

Wide-eyed, Hugh looked up. The Hologram sounded as though he already had a hunch what caused the blood roaring.

But Elnor faltered. “No,” he said, quietly. “’I love you too’. That was what he had said.”

Unbelieving, Hugh smiled at the hands in his lap. He heard the EMH inhale in what sounded like both annoyance and fascination. “All right,” he said, throwing his head back. “All right… Elnor, I’m afraid I must ask you to leave. Physician-patient privilege, you understand. Medical secrets.”

Elnor glanced at Hugh. “Do you ask me to leave my room?”

“Undoubtably – can we use it as a medbay for now? Thank you so much.”

“Can’t he stay?” Hugh pressed out when the EMH guided Elnor to the door with assertive steps, all the while assuring Hugh that no, they better talk this out alone.

“I don’t care if he hears,” Hugh protested half-heartedly, but then the doors swished close and the Hologram returned to him, saying, “But I do.”

Politely, he said down on the bed next to Hugh and smiled, hands folded. His haste had gone in favor of relaxed docility. “So,” he said and watched Hugh lie down. “How do you feel?”

“You’re my doctor,” Hugh argued.

“Yes, but I can’t quite heal your… condition, I’m afraid. Hence the question.”

“Oh?” Hugh sighed. What news. He felt powerless. Should he say that?

“Elnor mentioned you sweat a lot when you came here,” the EMH continued. “And your last medical scan showed high amounts of adrenaline, dopamine, and oxytocin in your body.”

“And vasopressin,” Hugh added wearily, staring at the ceiling. Starlight fell through the window and colored it in a pale shimmer.

“Yes,” the EMH sighed. There was a bit of a pause before he added, “I’ve been there, you know.”

Hugh shifted. Jurati had said it was nothing to worry about.

“If you were human,” the EMH said, folding his hands anew, “these symptoms would have posed no threat. But you’re not entirely human, are you?”

Hugh did not know what species he belonged to. There were no memories left from the time before he was assimilated. Because of his implants, he had organs and abilities of all kind of species. So, all he replied to this loaded question was, “I guess not.”

“That’s why it’s affecting you so much. The little Borg robots in your bloodstream got you a perfect medical emergency. Uh, no offense.”

“None taken,” Hugh said, too tired to laugh. Feeling stiff, he shifted under the blankets. This felt like being lied to. “Then what is it? And why can’t you cure it?”

The EMH sighed. “Oh, dear. I think you’re in love.”

“Love?” Hugh repeated, without the gravitas the Hologram had used for the word.

“Yes. _Romantic_ love, sexual even, I’d say. Your body shows me that. It’s all right here, and it can’t exactly be ‘cured’. Hormones, sickness, sweat, blushing – just in your case, the blood vessels have widened so much that your sense of hearing had been overpowered by all the blood rushing through your ears. I never could’ve thought that possible. Then again, I have never had a Borg patient. I’ll keep an eye on you.”

Hugh hummed in acknowledgment. “I need to think,” he said.

“Understandably,” the EMH smiled, withdrawing.

“Wait,” Hugh said before he could deactivate himself. “You said you’ve been there yourself?”

“Yes.” The smile he gave Hugh was sad. “I’m just a hologram. The effects weren’t half as bad as with your body,” he said.

Hugh frowned. “But you still suffered from it?” he asked, only half-interested in a medical answer.

The Hologram looked down, chuckled. “Yes. I still do. Sometimes love is like that,” he said. “You should get some sleep.”

Hugh hummed.

He did not know anything about love. Geordi had often called him a monk, as a joke. But the truth was that Hugh had not had time nor opportunity for it yet. In fact, if someone had asked him if he was capable of romantic love at all before this conversation, he would have probably laughed and said no. The Borg did not love. Why should xBs?

‘Romantic love’. Hugh would say that he loved his work, also that he loved Geordi, but ‘romantic’ meant something different. The kind of thread that connected Elnor and him was different.

Never before had he felt the way he felt for Elnor.

If this was what _his_ _love_ felt like, if it made people suffer so much, then Hugh did not want it. He only wanted Elnor. He should have asked the EMH to send him back in afterwards. Surely he could _have_ Elnor without the pain surrounding it?

Pondering, he rolled sideways in the bed and looked at his pale hand before him. Maybe he was just broken.

Either way, it seemed unfair. That Hugh needed to sleep so much was, too – although Elnor’s bed was much better than the one in the medbay. It was big enough for two people, and soft. It even vaguely smelled of him.

Dreamily, Hugh closed his eyes, pulling the blanket closer to his heart. It was seldom that he felt it beat in his chest, but now was such a moment. He relished it, despite his fear that it might break because of the nanoprobes.

Maybe this came close to what sleeping next to Elnor would feel like.

It made sense, he thought, that if he should fall in love it was with Elnor. Maybe, from an evolutionary standpoint, because he was strong and could protect Hugh from danger. Then again, they could not have offspring, so the reproductive approach did not apply.

Hugh smiled at how scientifically he thought this through. Must have been a habit of his job. Kind of un-romantic. But what was ‘romantic’? Hugh had next to no frame of reference for it.

Wanting to stroke silky black hair sounded romantic. Smiling every time he watched him run a hand through it? Relishing the touch of his strong arms and sinking into bed with him? Thinking of comforting him rather than fearing his own death?

Hugh sighed into the blanket, inhaling its sweet scent. Everything was always so difficult, but being with Elnor was easy. His company, his smile, his brashness, his honesty when he talked to Hugh, and touched him with candid sweetness –

A flashing pain shot through Hugh’s whole body, making him jerk and twitch. Overcoming the ache, he opened his eyes, but the room was pitch-black all of a sudden. Where were the stars?

His ocular implant itched in a way it had not for a long time. Green flashes, then darkness, again.

Hugh blinked, but it did not make a difference. The stars had vanished, all light was gone. Carefully, he tried keeping his breath steady, touching the bed around him. It was still there, the blanket, the cushion he beneath him. “Hello?” He ached. A terrible feeling dragged his chest, a feeling he had first experienced back on the Enterprise, with no one around – the icy and helpless freefall of loneliness.

He had been in the dark so often that this should not scare him, and yet it did. His body betrayed him. The sweat returned, the whirring, the rushing, the heavy breathing. When his ears started roaring now, Hugh was no longer able to keep his balance.

If he were in the Collective now, he could still see. He would not feel lonely and helpless. There were others, and they were all one.

Tumbling, he moved sideways in search for the edge of the bed. Concentrate on what you can hear. Are there voices anywhere? Is your Queen here?

Hugh reached out, gasping. His handed twist unnaturally, and his back ached. Bones cracked – he could only feel, not hear it – before he lost all feeling in his limbs.

_“What is the nature of your medical emergency? Hugh?”_

He opened his mouth, but there was no sound. What do you know? Report. There was a voice asking him if he could hear it. Over all the noise and pain, it was asking for his name. _I do not have a name._

It told him to lay down. It asked if he knew who he was. _We are Borg._

I am Hugh, Hugh wanted to say. The scream got caught in his throat.

* * *

“Oh, Jesus, all right, okay.” Hugh knew the voice. It belonged to the EMH. Hugh blinked. The bright lights were back.

“Hello?”

“Yes, hello,” the EMH sang, but it was without joy. His head was hovering over Hugh’s now. Then a device scanned his eyes. “I’m going to have to remove the ocular implant,” he said.

“What?” Hugh blinked. “No. It can’t be removed. We already tried.”

“We?” the EMG repeated, face hardening. “Who are you?” he asked, cold and detached.

Hugh blinked. Numbers appeared before his inner eye, but he knew better: “I am Hugh. I’m an xB and Executive Director of the Borg Reclamation Project.”

“Good,” the EMH murmured.

“Several scientists from all over the Federation have tried removing it,” Hugh said, senses coming back. He was tired of having to wake up over and over again. What had happened this time?

“I don’t know how you can go on like this, to be honest.”

“I’ve lived many years with the remaining parts, I am fine,” Hugh called, sharper than before.

The EMH retreated. “Yes. Sure.” He sniffed, laying aside the instrument he had been using, and put his hands in his coat’s pockets. “I reckon you want to see Elnor?”

“Yes.”

He nodded. “You wanted to see him so badly your pupils dilated.”

“Is that wrong?”

“It is if it continues to make you go blind,” the EMH said. His tone was still cold, and Hugh felt ashamed of himself. He wanted to apologize, but the Hologram already disappeared with a soft flicker.

Behind him, there was Elnor.

“Hugh…!”

He came rushing to his bed, grabbing his shoulders and laying his head onto Hugh’s chest. “Are you all right?”

“I think I am now,” Hugh smiled. He brought up a hand to stroke over Elnor’s warm back. The muscles beneath his clothes’ fabric were hard, and his breath was hot against Hugh’s neck. When he turned his head, a pointy ear pressed against Hugh’s chest. He sighed in bliss at the sensation, despite his pain, and noted, softly, “You took care of your hair.”

“It was Raffi. She said it looked ‘unearthly’,” Elnor replied, voice still full of anxiety, but he relaxed when Hugh chuckled at the choice of words. “Human idiosyncrasy,” he smiled with a calming thumb on Elnor’s back.

The boy was restless like an ocean. It was unbearable as it was satisfying to calm its raging surface.

“It’s not important,” Elnor said and pulled away to look down at Hugh. His usually warm features were tinted with that green hue again, and a furrow of concern curled between his eyebrows.

“Don’t worry about me,” Hugh said. He laid a hand onto Elnor’s cheek, the left one whose sensation was not dampened by neuropolymer. Boisterously, Elnor took it in his trembling hand and pressed a kiss to it.

Hugh’s eyes fluttered at the warmth. “Stay with me, please,” he said without thinking about the words. “I can’t stand when you’re gone.”

“Neither can I,” Elnor said, and Hugh watched his eyes closely as he said that. Elnor noticed him watching, and his face broke into a weary smile.

Like a shot of pure dopamine kicking him, Hugh beamed with joy, not caring if it made his skin scream.

“Here,” Elnor smiled, “I can get us something you like. Something to eat.”

“Let the others do that,” Hugh chuckled, holding Elnor’s hand in his. The smile would not leave his face, no matter how hard he tried. It felt good, like an antidote to his pain. If this was a side-effect of his love, Hugh did not have a problem with it. Especially not if it made Elnor smile as well.

Hugh felt light.

**V. Pheromones**

They had a big meal that night in Sirena’s mess hall. Nobody spoke of Hugh’s incidents, which he welcomed. Instead, they talked about this and that – fun things, like Asha struggling to use the old music player the Captain owned, or what she wanted to do when they dropped her off at Gamma Ravveltia sometime next week.

While the food was good, it was even better to have it beside Elnor. Hugh liked listening to the stories of the others, but he preferred to look at Elnor, especially when he did not catch him watching.

They already sat so close, but Hugh wished he could just jump onto his lap and play with the silk ribbon in his hair.

Every time he had such thoughts, his heart ached inside his ribcage, but somehow the yearning had turned into an analgesic. It was as though Hugh’s stubborn resistance to the incidents was finally rewarded.

His thoughts were interrupted by great laughter around the table. The Captain said something in Spanish, and Picard fixated him in faux reproach. “It is one of Earth’s most joyful holidays,” he said. “We could program the holodeck to simulate a Halloween party. It’s the time of year after all.”

“Sorry, JL, I’m out,” Musiker said with a well-meaning smile.

“Halloween?” Elnor asked before Hugh could. “What kind of festivity is that?”

“It’s from Earth,” Picard explained. “Very old, with various traditions. One that has existed for centuries is that people eat candy and dress up as all kinds of creatures, to scare away evil spirits.”

“Dress up?” Elnor asked.

“Yes,” Jurati said, “with costumes. I was a witch last year, so boring.”

“A festival that celebrates pretending to be someone who chases away evil spirits?” Elnor asked, eyes narrowed. Hugh loved watching him trying to grasp this concept that seemed so far away from Absolute Candor. Elnor always leaned a bit when he was confused. He looked adorable.

Hugh was so lost in thought that he gasped quietly when Elnor turned to him. “I’ve tried pretending to be someone else once,” he said.

“Oh?” Hugh asked quietly, stroking a strand of hair behind his ear. He did not exactly feel eloquent.

“For a mission on Freecloud. It was my first time, and I wasn’t very good at it, so I’m not sure how to feel about it.” He lit up. “But I would really like to try it again the more I think about it. I just don’t know who I would like to become.”

“You still like _The Three Musketeers_ , don’t you?” Picard asked. “Then why not dress up as D’Artagnan?”

“We are _not_ dressing up,” the Captain said.

“But I would love to pretend to be D’Artagnan,” Elnor beamed. “Is that allowed? He could easily chase away evil spirits.”

“Absolutely.”

“Who would you like to become?” Elnor asked, laying an innocent hand on Hugh’s thigh.

Hugh, unprepared to be part of this conversation, just looked at him questioningly. Elnor smiled at him for encouragement. It was _such_ a bright smile. “Wouldn’t you like to pretend to be someone else?” he asked.

“I, um…” Hugh looked around unsurely, just to no longer stare at Elnor, whose tone of voice had been genuinely interested. His face was warming up again. “I don’t know if I would like that, to be honest. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out how to be myself that I wouldn’t want to become anyone else.”

“Well said, man,” the Captain said. “I guess you’re right,” Picard agreed. “Maybe we shouldn’t have a party at all?”

“Wait a minute,” Jurati intervened, and the discussion flamed up anew. Hugh seized the opportunity to look at Elnor again. He found a pair of dark eyes studying him, intrigued, as though he wanted to say something only meant for him.

“Yes?” Hugh asked quietly. Elnor smiled and leaned in to speak softer, making Hugh’s heart jump with a thud – “Although I’m sad we won’t dress up together, I enjoy it when you look surprised. It makes your eyes widen beautifully, and your lips part.”

Hugh swallowed. He pulled away in a sudden jolt of self-awareness, but that only made Elnor smile wider. “That’s what I mean,” he whispered mischievously, and Hugh wanted to lean in again because, wow, Elnor smelled very nice up close. And was not as innocent as he seemed.

He had accepted Hugh, just like that. Acceptance was a gift greater than any festivity could ever be.

“Come to my quarters tonight,” he said, squeezing Hugh’s hand in his. “I can read you from _The Three Musketeers_ then.”

“I’d love that,” Hugh said, unable to stop himself from smiling. He could practically taste the anticipation at the back of his throat, sweet as candy.

* * *

“Do you feel better?” the EMH asked as he eyed Hugh’s readings. The medbay was less unfriendly since he came in for regular checks, which made talking a lot easier.

“I do,” he replied from the biobed.

The EMH hummed. “That’s what I thought. I’ve found a way to track down those nanoprobes. They are able to occupy pain receptors, which is uncomfortable, to speak nicely, in addition to the pain they caused by making your organs malfunction.”

“Hm-m.”

“According to my readings, the probes are less active now however. Their influence on your body is insignificant even, I should say.”

Hugh turned his eyes toward the ceiling, shining bright. “So this is what being in love normally feels like?” he asked playfully.

The Hologram chuckled. He dropped the professional medic voice in favor of knowing connivance. “How does it feel?” he asked.

Hugh grinned at the thought of the fluttering in his belly when he was with Elnor, let alone getting complimented by him, or listening to his voice when he intimately read a story to him, or getting his hand touched by Elnor’s, or catching him steal a glance at him. When he let him in, into his warm presence, to share it with him.

Hugh had met so many people who pretended to be something they were not that he was helplessly smitten by someone who didn’t. Long legs and black hair did not hurt either.

“It’s… not bad.”

“I reckon that is a wild understatement,” the EMH said fondly. “Does he know?”

“Who?” Hugh asked despite knowing he fooled no one. Seeing how this was technically a medical matter, he could just as well speak plainly: “I, um… I like to think that I often tell him how good he makes me feel. I probably don’t say it enough though.”

“We don’t ever say it enough, do we?” the EMH chuckled and turned away. “You can go now, everything checks out fine. Still, I’d like to keep these regular examinations. Not only for yourself, but also for general data assessment about former Borgs. I could always need new information, to treat other Borg patients correctly, in case the situation should rise.”

“Of course,” Hugh said. He sat up straight. ‘We don’t ever say it enough’ – did this Hologram have a love life? He had said before that he got hurt by it, and Hugh’s protective instinct kicked in. His care for the xBs had to be channeled somewhere after all.

Before the EMH deactivated himself, Hugh asked him, “Do you have a name?”

The Hologram tilted his head. “Sort of, yeah. The other EHs, they call me Emil.”

Hugh smiled. “That’s a nice name.”

“You would know,” the EMH said. Something behind his eyes flickered, as though he just remembered something that he wanted to share. “Is there a problem?” Hugh asked.

The EMH’s eyes fluttered, then a smile ghosted across his face. “No. No, it’s nothing. Goodnight, Hugh.”

“Goodnight, Emil.”

Pondering, Hugh left the medbay. That was strange. He was so lost in thought that he almost bumped into Elnor. “Sorry, I didn’t see you!”

“Not of import,” Elnor said, and Hugh exhaled a charmed laugh at the wording.

“Chapter six?”

“Yes,” Hugh smiled and let himself get dragged through _La Sirena’s_ corridors.

**VI. Subconsciousness**

Not only did Hugh want to be around Elnor at all times because of his soothing qualities, no, getting let in like this it had the pleasant side-effect of getting to know him very intimately. His preferences, his dislikes – for example, he did not particularly like his long hair. At first, Hugh had thought it was a joke, until he remembered the Way of Absolute Candor that demanded Elnor to be honest at literally all times.

“On the other hand, I do love _your_ hair,” Elnor had said. “I enjoy how your fringe falls into your face at times.”

Hugh could have kissed him for that alone, and maybe he would have, if Elnor had not looked down immediately, making the moment end. Hugh did not want to rush this. He had also blushed, but the sweat attacks were gone. Emil was right, the nanoprobes seemed to have calmed down. There had been no incidents in the past few days.

Whenever he woke up now, it was beside Elnor.

It was all so new. Nobody had ever complimented Hugh on his bodily features. He was tiny compared to Elnor, with scars and implants that, to a biased observer, must look downright grotesque in comparison to Elnor’s otherworldly grace. But Elnor wore his heart on his sleeve.

Hugh could not quite pinpoint it, but there was another new thing diffusing between them. It was a thin shroud of sexuality, albeit soft and sweet, but it was there, like Emil had said. It was the first time that Hugh enjoyed being hungry, in a sense.

He had no idea about bodily aspects of romantic relationships beyond that of getting used for sexual pleasure like an object, a scenario he knew was not the norm and would not match the trust and vulnerability that he shared with Elnor.

Could someone like Elnor ever even love the scarred and hurting body of an xB? xBs were not made for love, not receiving it, not giving it.

At least that was what Hugh thought. But who knew, maybe he just needed to learn to do it and wasn’t broken at all. They could surely figure it out together. Elnor already liked touching his implants and learning about them. There was a youthful mischief about the way he sometimes talked to Hugh.

“You could dress like Aramis, look,” he had said.

“No, thanks, really.” Hugh smiled at the picture in the paper book. On the other page, there was a drawing of a dashing young man with dark curls and a fluffy white shirt, wielding an elegant sword. “Who’s that?” Hugh asked.

“That’s D’Artagnan,” Elnor smiled, lips curling playfully. “You like how he looks.”

“Yeah,” Hugh smiled, letting himself get pulled closer as Elnor continued reading, joy lacing his every word.

There were no incidents anymore. And no nightmares. The only dream Hugh could remember that night included Elnor, dressed in that white shirt and a feathery hat, pulling Hugh close to stroke tousled hair out of his eyes.

“You cut your hair,” Hugh said. Elnor smiled down at him, curls dancing dreamily in front of his warm eyes. “Do you not enjoy it, my Bonded?”

“I do, yes, very much,” Hugh whispered, looking down, right at the chest that was exposed from Elnor’s shirt. Hugh let a hand ghost over it. Marveling at how warm the fair skin was. “Can I touch you here?” he asked, only to get kissed on the neck as a reply, ardently, making him gasp and lie down.

When Hugh awoke this time, his stomach was feeling funny in a way he had never experienced before. He sighed in astonishment, clutching his chest at how pleasant his lap felt against the blanket. It was pain, but it was that hungry pain. The term was sexual arousal, he remembered.

Luckily, Elnor was fast asleep next to him.

‘One thing is feeling good about being in love with someone,’ he remembered Emil saying. ‘To act on it is something entirely different. Physical intimacy and all that jazz.’

As Hugh eyed Elnor’s naked arms, lit by starshine, he remembered how he had wanted this to process at Elnor’s speed. He had not thought about ‘acting on it’ as long as the young man had expressed no desire in Absolute Candor. But was that a wise course of action if Elnor doubted this Way he had been brought up in?

What if he, in turn, waited for Hugh to set the pace? A web of fear grew inside Hugh, the fear of losing the man he had learned to love.

“Tomorrow,” Hugh whispered, more like a shooting star wish than a promise. Tomorrow he would tell him.

At worst, Elnor would reply that it was unrequited. He would, hopefully, not try and deceive Hugh to protect his feelings. No, he would be honest right away. Like he usually was. And then Hugh would accept it, and move on and not ‘act on it’. Elnor owed him no obligation after all, Bonded or not.

At best, they could… kiss, hopefully. But beyond that, there were still little references or experiences Hugh could draw from. What he knew was that he wanted to lie down with Elnor and press into his touch, grind against him for friction and melt in his warmth, in that intimate space they had erected around themselves.

_Tomorrow._

Hugh sighed as he fell back onto his pillow, closing his eyes in anticipation. Yearning, he rolled sideways to feel Elnor’s warmth on his skin.

**VII. Heart**

There was no tomorrow, not a real one anyway. In the middle of the night, Hugh had gasped loudly to fight suffocation. His artificial heart was hammering against his chest as though to escape from it, it pumped blood into every corner of his body, including his brain, and Hugh could hear Emil’s voice saying that he was on the edge of death.

Where is your Queen? What about Elnor? Would he be all right? Hugh needed to talk to him. It’s going to be fine, Hugh wanted to say. “We are Borg,” was what came out.

_We are Borg. You will be assimilated. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. Resistance is futile._

* * *

“Where is he?”

“Corridor A, moving fast.”

“How can he be this fast?” Elnor asked, eyeing the beeping red point in fear. “He’s been reactivated,” Seven said. Elnor narrowed his eyes as he watched her hold her bleeding arm. “But you said he’s barely alive.”

The only reply he got was monosyllabic, disinterested almost. Everyone was turning to the door again, tense, ready to fight. Elnor was not the one who was important. He did not want to fight Hugh though. He did not want anybody to hurt him. Yet he knew Hugh had become dangerous. If the EMH had been a real person, Hugh would have ripped out his heart with a single motion.

His calm composure and gentle demeanour had disappeared. He had moved as though he could not feel pain anymore. Elnor did not want to hear him scream, by all means, but a scream of pain would have been a sign that this was his Hugh after all.

However – “It’s not him,” Elnor blurted out. The Hugh he knew was gentle and kind. He despised violence. Why should he use it himself? What was his aim?

“Whatever he is now, I don’t know if we can help him,” Seven said. Her shaking voice told Elnor how serious the situation was, and he fell silent.

“We could have the EMH appear next to him and sedate him,” Captain Rios suggested.

“You wanna sedate a Borg?” Seven laughed. It was a broken and sad sound, so Elnor refrained from correcting her. Hugh took pride in not being ‘Borg’ anymore. He was an xB, that was important to him.

“He’s far worse than any drone I’ve seen before,” Seven all but snarled. She then nodded to the Captain. “You’re right, we gotta try. Send your EMH. Hugh’s probably trying to seize control of the ship to return to the Collective. He must’ve realized by now that he can’t contact it.”

Elnor had trouble understanding what was happening and still had his muscles act out everything he had learned in training of the Way.

They were protecting the bridge from Hugh, who was on his way here fast, and, as Soji pointed out now, he had a phaser.

The hammering at the door was terrible. But there was another sound that made Elnor clasp his sword like a lifeline, one that made his blood freeze in his veins.

Hugh’s voice was so different. It was but a shadow of its former self, like Seven’s, when she had seized control of the Artifact. It was dark and unforgiving and mechanical. _“ **We are Borg** ,”_ it roared above the noise of phaser blasts.

“He’s targeting the force field mechanics,” Soji said to the Captain. Captain Rios was as collected as always, he was good at hiding his fear. Elnor admired that, a little bit. He now sent out the hologram to make Hugh fall asleep, but it rematerialised by his side only a few seconds later, face white with fright, empty hypospray in his hands.

“It’s useless,” he said. “I can’t tell if it’s having any effect at all.”

“There must be something that can put him to sleep,” Raffi said, huddling by the doorframe.

“Yeah, a hit on the head, probably,” Seven mused, and Elnor panicked because he could not tell if she really meant this or not. Did he have to ready himself to fight his Bonded?

“I could use a stronger drug, but I don’t know if his body can handle-” The hologram was cut off by another series of bangs and calls from the shadows of Hugh’s voice.

“Force fields are at six percent.”

“Do it!” Seven called.

They opened the door and attacked. Elnor was glad he was not at the forefront, like Seven, so he could not see much of Hugh. What he did see made him want to crawl back inside his skin. Red blood looked so much more radiant on pale skin.

When Seven tried to hit Hugh with her phaser, he caught her wrist and twisted it. She screamed and spun him around. His head hit the corridor’s floor with a thud, but there was no distortion of pain on his face, nothing. Elnor called his name, but Hugh did not react to it. He struggled with Seven above him, who kicked away the phaser from his hand.

Elnor just stood there watching, sword in the air. His knees buckled. He had once seen a half-dead fish thrashing on the ground. Hugh reminded him of that now. Raffi placed warning shots beside his head.

_“ **You will be assimilated**.”_

After that, Seven sighed, “Shut the fuck up,” and started beating him. When Hugh faced Elnor in-between punches, his mismatched eyes were wide, and for a split second Elnor thought he would recognise him. But then he pushed Seven away from his body as though she weighed nothing, his strength raw and unbounded.

Raffi shot a phaser blast right inside his chest.

Elnor called out in protest. He wished that Hugh would just give in, but except for a few steps backward, he was unfazed. His flesh burned, but there was no sign of pain or retraction.

Elnor was not trained in fighting someone to slow them down. When he fought someone, it was to the death. He did not want that.

As Hugh made his way forward, dragging a broken leg behind him, the hologram tried injecting him with a drug once more. Hugh just grabbed his hand and swung him against Raffi, leaving Elnor and Soji as the only fighters.

“Go,” the Captain called from behind. Soji was good at this. Her immense strength was a match to that of Hugh, and she could hold him in place despite screaming when he reached for her head to crush it.

Elnor’s face was wet with tears, swords shaking in his hands.

“Do something…!” Soji screamed. Hugh’s right hand was breaking inside her skull.

With a desperate cry, Elnor let the _tan qalanq’s_ blade glide through Hugh’s shoulder. The severed body part sent fountains of blood across both Hugh and Soji, who Elnor pulled away with a rough hand, to get distance between these two. Both of which have been his cherished Bonded.

“Please,” he breathed, trying to prevent any more violence. Hugh faced him directly, walking toward him slower than before with an expression that painfully reminded Elnor of the time when he had found him by the murdered xBs on the Artifact.

The blood spilling from his body was a deep red. This was the blood, Elnor thought in sorrow, that tinted his cheeks so sweetly when he blushed. That coloured his lips in ways that made Elnor want to kiss him senseless. And now it was drowning a severed arm on the ground and embellishing Elnor’s own face.

“Please,” he said again.

It was then when the hologram materialised behind Hugh and injected him with something that made his eyeballs roll back inside his head, body losing all tension. Like a straw puppet, he collapsed on the floor, broken leg first, with a sound that made Elnor press his eyes shut fast. It was like watching him die a second time.

What happened next felt like Elnor’s senses were being shrouded. Everybody exhaled shakily. Seven laid down on the floor with a groan, and Soji reminded everyone of how fast Hugh needed treatment while completely neglecting her own wounds.

After the hologram had stopped Hugh’s bleeding, he carried his numb body to medbay.

Elnor did nothing to help and wondered if this what ‘freezing’ felt like. Shame floated his soul in crashing waves, and yet he did not want to stay behind again. He would honour Hugh’s wish in silence.

‘I can’t stand when you’re gone,’ Hugh had said. ‘Stay with me.’ Elnor would do that now. He had refused to do it for long enough.

It was not until he was back in the infirmary’s neon lights, with Hugh on the bed, that Elnor found his voice again: “Is there nothing we can do?”

“I don’t know,” the hologram said. Elnor had learned that people lied very often when they said these words, but a hologram had no reason to lie, had it?

“It’s the nanoprobes, they’re running wild,” Seven said. The bandages made her cross her arms wearily. “I can’t believe the fucking EMH hasn’t told anyone about his condition. I should’ve checked him myself. It’s vital that he gets rid of them.”

“How?”

Elnor desperately tried following Seven’s answer: “Their intramolecular processors are vulnerable to omicron radiation. It’s dangerous, but it works if his body can take the radiation. If we get the dead ones out via blood transfer, we can treat him regularly. If he isn’t dying by then.”

One thing Elnor did understand, however. “Haven’t you said that the probes rescued him when we thought he was already dead?” he asked.

“That’s their purpose,” Seven said. “Keeping the Collective alive. But they also keep the assimilation process going in each individual drone at all times.” Seven went on to talk about how the probes could bring a Borg back, so to speak, if they showed signs of retreating from the Collective. They could condition them into hating whatever had caused their distancing by inducing pain.

“He _was_ falling back into Borg patterns of speech,” the hologram sighed in genuine regret. Seven was angry with him for not telling anybody about this, and Raffi was angry with Seven for raising her voice, and Jurati and Soji went over their tricorder readings once more, but no one was watching Hugh.

Elnor’s knees trembled as he sat down by his sedated Bonded. Although he was sleeping, he looked pained and pale in the medbay’s harsh lights, and, more than ever before, the scars on his face looked like cracks on porcelain. Elnor hated to see him this lifeless, especially now that he had learned that Hugh was like life itself when he smiled and laughed. Either quietly to himself or to Elnor.

He was the gentlest being Elnor had ever met. He did not deserve to be treated like this by this harsh universe. They could’ve just returned to Vashti, or anywhere else where one could bake bread and read books under shadowy trees and be happy. Not fight in corridors full of screams and blood, a place they apparently drifted toward to way too often.

Elnor hated the Borg and the Artifact for chasing Hugh like this.

The others argued a lot about whether or not Seven’s idea was the right one. Elnor was fed up with it. He was fed up with being helpless in the face of danger. “It’s the only idea we have,” he called, “so we have to try it.”

“He’s dangerous,” Captain Rios said.

“I won’t let him die!”

“Right, me neither,” Seven said. “The kid’s right, we have to try. Let’s get to it.”

Elnor continued to watch Hugh as the others prepared the medbay for the treatment. He wondered what Hugh had done that made the probes hate him so much that they forced him back into his Borg state, where he had no name and could talk to no one.

How was that even possible? To be a slave to your body like this? It was an opponent that Elnor could not fight; there was no enemy to slaughter, no evil he could kill with his sword.

“You know what getting rid of the nanoprobes means, right?” the hologram asked. For someone artificial and detached from their reality, he looked tired, Elnor found. Like he did genuinely care about Hugh. He now resembled Captain Rios even more closely.

“I know,” Elnor replied. If they got out of Hugh’s bloodstream, there was nothing that could save him were he fatally injured once more. “I won’t let it happen again,” Elnor said, voice firm like an oath – one that ran deeper than any _qalankhkai_ vow ever could.

His heart was bleeding, and it continued to bleed all night. Raffi hugged him silently.

Elnor was done being a servant of the Qowat Milat. He did not want truth, he did not want death, or the Restraint of Love. He wanted Hugh, and it had taken him far too long to realise what they could have had. Now it could be too late. Now, he could have already lost him before he had even had him.

* * *

“Tell me everything you know.”

Emil knew better than to draw attention to his Hippocratic coding now, so he just listened.

“You once held back information from us, but not a second time,” Seven of Nine snarled. “Let’s start with, I don’t know, why the nanoprobes have slowed down their activity after the first few incidents?”

Emil searched her wounded arms (occupational habit), then her eyes for a soft spot, but there was just radiant cold. It was admirable how hard she tried to intimidate someone who she could not hurt physically. Emil was glad he was just a hologram. He took a deep breath and said, “I guess they thought his retreat from the Collective had come to a hold.”

She faltered. “Bullshit. You said he was developing romantic feelings. I can see how that would mean a retreat from the Collective, but how could feelings ‘come to a hold’?”

“They didn’t stop, I guess,” Emil mused. “He just didn’t… act on them.” His hands turned in his pocket. “If I could take a wild guess – a really wild guess – then I’d say that tonight was the night he made plans to take the next step.”

All that Seven of Nine did was to exhale a mock-laugh as an expression of how pathetic she found all of this. “Wow.” She shook her head, getting away from Emil to watch Hugh instead, unconscious body squirming under the radiation behind the forcefield. Her glowing eyes filled with tears at the sight. Hours later, they would beam with joy, making her shine like a sun when she hugged Hugh.  
Emil began the blood treatment immediately afterwards. Again and again, Hugh asked to see Elnor. Emil sat down onto the floor when he had finally let him go.

**VIII. Soul**

“I wished everyone would stop saying ‘you did what you could’. I couldn’t help. I know it’s the truth, but I don’t like it.”

“So you… decided to cut your hair?” Hugh asked carefully.

Elnor frowned deeply. His glance wandered from his sword to the loose hairs in his hand, then to Hugh again. “I mean,” Hugh said, trying to be helpful, “I wouldn’t have thought that you could cut hair so smoothly with a sword. Looks like it worked surprisingly well.”

Elnor watched his hands again, then dropped them. “It was a mistake, wasn’t it?”

Hugh could not suppress a smile. Not only did the short hair look beautiful, it marked the beginning of Elnor’s own Reclamation, in a way. “No,” Hugh answered and covered up his smile with his hand.

The word made Elnor straighten up. He walked toward the ventilation system with short steps, put the cut hair into it and bluntly said, “Eject.”

Just like that, it was cast out into the vastness of the universe. Away. It was like mountains of burden had been lifted off their backs, and they both laughed.

Hugh lay down on the bed as he had still trouble standing up for longer periods of time. The new leg was still fragile and the missing arm messed up his equilibrioception. But on the familiar blanket, his body calmed down. When Elnor joined him, it felt as though the universe slowed down just for him. To let him enter their special space, relishing.

“I feared you wouldn’t like me anymore when we would wake up,” Elnor said quietly. “Because I fought you and cut your arm.”

Hugh closed his eyes. He had no memory of what had happened. But Doctor Asha needed treatment for her eyes, Rios and Seven were badly wounded, and the traces on Hugh’s own body were so clear that he shivered in the cold of the room.

“You did what you judged best,” he rasped. “You saw a monster and fought it.”

“I hurt you before you began hurting anyone else,” Elnor protested from the other side of the bed. “There is no other explanation. The probes made you connect the pain with me in your brain. The hologram said that was another reason you might not like me anymore when you wake up.”

“Did he?” Hugh asked. He shifted. “He’s not right. I still like you. So, so much.”

He meant those words and hoped it showed in his voice. He could not help it, he was overflowing with yearning.

Elnor turned around and propped himself up to look down onto Hugh. The black strands of hair that fell into his face made him look dreamy, but his eyes were hard and sharp in the dark. “Are you feeling all right?” he whispered.

“Yes,” Hugh said truthfully. “Because you’re with me now. Being with you always makes me feel better.” He exhaled a disbelieving laugh. “Sometimes I would think of touching your hair and instantly light up, in a room full of people. You were my painkiller. I trust you with my life in more than one way.”

Hugh softened when a careful hand traced the line of his throat. It lingered where the knife had entered the skin, back on the Artifact. There was no scar, but Elnor knew exactly where the wound had been.

“I can’t chase off evil spirits,” he said. “I feel so powerless, despite your wonderful words. I can’t fight anything that doesn’t bleed when it touches my blade.”

Hugh gently took Elnor’s hand in his, resting it between them, and said, “You chased away _my_ evil spirits as soon as we met.” He glanced at Elnor’s cheek. Wanting to stroke away his hair to reveal a pointy ear and give him comfort.

“I tell you this far too seldom,” he said, “but you have given me hope in my darkest moments. I want to thank you for that, from the bottom of my heart.”

Above him, Elnor’s eyes watered. “But you are no monster,” he said, voice crumbling in a heartbreaking sob. “You are my chosen Bonded, you are kindness and life, and I cherish every moment I share with you.” Shuddering, he laid his head onto Hugh’s chest, clutching his shirt in feckless fists.

“Then we agree on staying together, for the sake of the two of us,” Hugh said. Stay in their own beautiful togetherness.

He decided to leave it at that and talk no more. Instead, he relaxed back into the cushion, eyes at the ceiling, and caressed Elnor’s head and neck and arms. His hair, although shorter than before, still flowed like silk between his fingers. There were tears rolling down Hugh’s cheeks, but he wasn’t exactly feeling sad. Or monstrous.

Everything was going to turn out fine, he thought.

After a while, Elnor calmed beneath his hand. The sobbing stopped, and the fists in Hugh’s shirt loosened, stretching as though to feel the body beneath them. Yearningly, Hugh leaned into the touch.

He had not forgotten his plan to confess to Hugh, although he believed the three words to be tiny and meaningless now that he had sobered.

As though he had read his mind, Elnor heaved himself up. Eyes searching for Hugh’s. “There is another reason why I have broken with the Qowat Milat,” he said. “I couldn’t be true with you because of… the Restraint of Love.”

His hand came up to cup Hugh’s cheek, his eyebrow, his cable port. Hugh all but melted into the sweet touch. He breathed in deeply, anticipating what was to come, because the starlight in Elnor’s face looked just so propitious. It foreshadowed no violent incident, no monster from under the bed. These thoughts seemed faraway now. Quiet in a corner where they thought the light would not reach them.

“My celibacy prohibited me from telling you how I really feel. It’s the one exception there is to Absolute Candor. Although sometimes, my hands or eyes have escaped that prison,” he said, voice getting lower with every word.

“I have always hated that stupid fucking rule.”

Hugh’s heart raced inside his chest. “Great timing telling me this,” he breathed, smile lighting up his face. He arched into the warmth of Elnor’s body, noses touching gently. Inhaling his sweet scent. I have feelings for you too, Hugh wanted to say. I don’t know how to deal with them. Do you?

“Sorry. But I can’t hold back any longer.”

Before Hugh could answer, Elnor closed his eyes and sealed his lips in a kiss, a hand in Hugh’s hair to steady them both. A touch gentle and yet firm. Elnor had seized the moment of surprise to push his tongue through Hugh’s parted lips to deepen their touch. Hugh let him, let Elnor take control.

For someone chastened by a celibacy, Elnor was good at this, he thought, alternating so perfectly between lazy drags and hungry claims that Hugh came close to dissolving in the sensation. He did not know what he had expected, but this was better than any dream could have been.

Warm and safe. _Together._

Elnor’s mouth was warm and soft, and when he pulled away to breathe, he blushed green. Hugh kissed every shimmering spot on his cheeks and ears while a vortex rushed inside of him, begging them to continue, starving for touch.

Hugh pressed his hips upwards and closed his eyes. But the knowledge that the urge flaming in his body would never be someone else’s other than his own made him relax. An indicator of his comfort was the moan that fell from his lips when Elnor’s hands started roaming him.

“ _Finally_. I’m going to be all over you,” Elnor murmured and buried his face in a spot at Hugh’s neck that made him see stars. “There isn’t a part of you that I don’t want to kiss…”

For a moment, Hugh thought of his implants, all his scars and marks, his missing arm and deformed chest. But these thoughts were quiet now, they could no longer hide from the starlight. Soon Elnor made him forget them all with his unafraid touches, making the night glow around them.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry but I haven’t watched Voyager yet and I’ve got no idea how nanoprobes work… I hope this made sense anyway sdjkfsk
> 
> Thank you very much for reading! I’ll add my artist’s work asap ♡ Please stay safe this year & happy Halloween!


End file.
